I have a minor biking habit. It’s minor because it’s one of those things where I wish I was a really dedicated biker who could bike miles to work and back every day, or ride down really hard mountain trails without killing myself, but in reality my way-too-expensive bike sits in my living room looking cool without me. Sigh.
I do ride it, occasionally. Sometimes, when I’ve gotten off work early in the day, and I’m not too tired, and the sun is shining but it’s not 90 degrees out, and I have no plans until later, and I feel like I should really get some exercise, and my work-out clothes/bike shorts are clean, and I can find my bike shoes, and my water bottle, sometimes when all those things happen at the same time, I take the bike out for a little ride. Usually about an hour, and it’s a pretty flat ride, and I come back feeling simultaneously really good about myself and totally judging myself for thinking that was a tough bike ride.
I’m not usually that hard on myself, but there’s something about biking culture that’s really elitist and isolationist, and in case you didn’t get it from those adjectives, really snobby. I’ve been told there are two kinds of bikers – those who bike for sport (road bike enthusiasts doing 50 miles in a single jaunt, hardcore mountain bikers riding down the Alps off-road, and those who compete in triathlons), and those who bike for transportation where the rusted P.O.S. you put together yourself is a status symbol of your commitment to the eco-lifestyle you’re trying hard to live. I ascribe to neither of those two walks of life and therefor am left hanging awkwardly in the middle with my spandex bike shorts and lazy attitude, trying for all the world to find someone else like me so we can casually bike together.
If, like me, you wish you could go into the bike shop and be as cool as those guys/girls in there who actually know about bikes, but recognize no matter how hard you try, you’ll still come off as an incompetent wannabe, or if you don’t like hipsters, or if you just have a good sense of humor, you’ll probably find this craigslist post from a Seattle bike shop amusing. I know I did. Thank you to the co-worker/friend who sent it to me. Owe you one, buddy.